I cant stop listening to Vampire Weekend, its pretty serious.

God, its so nice out. Its all sunny and junk, instead of rain! And hopefully it will be warmer too.

So i should get a radio for my car (so my ears dont explode when i turn on my car) sometime this weekend. (cross my fingers) and then i will continue working on my car, like find cup holders, and like, fix random things, to make it run better, and look fabulous, who knows, maybe one day i can get it a new paint job.  haha.

but yeah.

I feel like a shell of a person.

I am just kind of going through life not really caring about anything. I mean, i wake up, go to school, then i go to work, and i come home. I feel like a robot.

I don't really care about people. Apparently alot of people are mad at me, about different things, but honestly, if i really think about it, i don't really care. And its weird because i normally do care. But i'm just kind of out of it. I don't really care about this he said she said crap, or like, "she looked at me weird so now i'm not going to invite her to my birthday party!" shit. I guess i'm becoming immune to relational aggression.

I dunno, i guess i am just tired of fighting for friendships. If people really wanna argue about stupid shit, then whatever, i dont need it. You know? If you wanna be my friend, then thats great, but if not, im not gonna sweat it.

I think im broken.

So i go to this party with Beasley to maybe network and meet new people. I get to this girls house and i start playing guitar hero (because i am epic at that game) and i start feeling comfertable with my suroundings, like getting to know everyone, and then Nate and Jen walk in the door (Nate is Corey's best friend and Jen is his Fiancee) and my heart just dropped. And Apparently, Corey was suppost to be there too, but he didnt go because he was sick or something. I felt sick and i was shaking and i felt like iw as going to faint, and i didnt know what to do.

Its just not fair, why is this happening to me. I feel like i need to separate my self from him, and he just keeps popping up in random places (maybe not him, but things that represent him) and its really taking a toll on me. I just miss him so much, but i know nothing is going to happen.

I dont know what to do.

I wish everyone would just dissapear. Like everyone in the world, or at least everyone i have ever known, so all of my past can be forgotten, and i can start over fresh.

Im just so sick of my past haunting me, or things in the past that keep replaying in my head weather they be happy, sad, angry, upset, or regretful thoughts, all gone.

I feel like everyday is a struggle, with myself, with my thoughts in my head. All the happy times that dont exsist anymore, all of my previous arguements which resulted in the here and now, and the people who are my friends or not my friends now. Its all so complicated.

I would just be content by myself, with no worrys, no obligations, and no struggle, in some calm oasis far away from here.

Im so sick of drama, im sick of past drama, im sick of feelings from the past haunting me and im sick of dealing with what has happened long ago right now.

Im sick of being stared at, not being talked to, being talked to, playing nice with people who i really dont like, and just getting by.